Growth and Transformation for Adoptees Webinar Audio

[00:00:02] So welcome everybody, looking forward to talking to you today about growth and transformation. And when I think about growth and transformation, I kind of like to make it ultra simple for a simple guy like me.

[00:00:17] We're talking about change, right? We're talking about growth and transformation both involve change. And we're talking about change in two areas. A change of mind, right? Often looked as an insight or a change in our beliefs, beliefs about ourselves as adoptees, as people.

[00:00:41] And we're talking about a change of heart, right? A change of the way we feel about ourselves, the way we feel about other important people in our life.

[00:00:52] So it's change, change of mind, change of heart and how we get that because we want to feel better in ourselves, right? And originally this, for the last six months on the podcast and the conversations with you would be focusing on healing.

[00:01:14] And everybody's got a different definition of that word healing. And some people don't like that word healing because it's got religious connotations. Will it ever be ended? You know, it's an ongoing process that seems a little bit unclear, a bit wooly.

[00:01:36] So we came up with this idea of, well what else could we look at instead of healing or as well of healing? We came up with this idea of growth and transformation. So that's what we're going to be diving in with.

[00:01:50] So Jude's gonna, we're going to flip and change between the two of us for this webinar. So thanks again for coming. Over to you, Jude. We're ready to go ahead and do the housekeeping slide. All right, you guys go. Okay. This is where we begin.

[00:02:14] So each of us, first of all welcome so glad to have you guys here because each of us is taking time out of our lives to participate in this spiral growth. We call it a spiral growth because we've learned that growth and healing are not linear.

[00:02:28] It doesn't really go in order sometimes, but it's more of a spiral and we gain perspective and a change of understanding each time we go around. It's a spiral going up like that. And so this growth and transformation is a spiral growth that we're inviting you guys into.

[00:02:47] We value your time and presence here. We value your voice and expression. And we honor the intensity of being vulnerable and seen by others just by being here and saying that we're longing for growth and transformation can feel vulnerable being seen on a screen.

[00:03:03] So we thank you for that. We honor your feelings as real and valid even though they may be different from what others are expressing.

[00:03:11] So we ask that we each be mindful of keeping ourselves aligned to these values by staying muted unless you're sharing and for this sampler what we're doing is asking you guys to take notes if you want. I always suggest taking notes.

[00:03:28] And if you have any questions that come up, please use the chat for that let's not use the chat for chat. And for the questions and then at the end we're going to do our best to get to the questions that are there in that chat.

[00:03:42] And if the option is available for you please leave your camera on as a way of showing yourself and others that you honor the authenticity and vulnerability that's being shared here today.

[00:03:54] And as always please generously pour love into yourself and into each other holding intentional awareness that you're doing your best and so are they. Go ahead to the next one Simon. Yeah. So, growth.

[00:04:14] I think the biggest driver for me has been separating the trauma I feel from the essence of who I am because whilst the one and the same, I felt stuck with my trauma.

[00:04:38] Once we start to separate out between the trauma that I talked about this rock paper scissors thing, right? So, the rock is us. The trauma hides us.

[00:04:52] The trauma hides us and we unroll the paper to separate the trauma that we feel from the essence of who we truly are. And we see that we're bigger. We're separated out and we've seen that we're bigger than our trauma, right? We're bigger in every way.

[00:05:14] And hopefully we start to see our lives changing for the better as we distance ourselves from what Jude talks about as the trauma bound identity. So, if the trauma is the rock, right?

[00:05:30] And the identity, trauma bound identity is when that essence of who we are is hidden, is bound by our trauma. So, that's what we're talking about here. We're not our trauma.

[00:05:48] We're just identifying from a trauma and we're seeing that we are more than our trauma and that's helping us along this growth spiral. Yeah. Yeah. So, I'll just hit on it really quickly because Simon mentioned it. I do. I call it our trauma bound identity.

[00:06:11] And for us as adoptees, because of the early age that our coping mechanisms are fight, flight, freeze and spawn were in vote and that our identity was not formed prior. Our identity and stories, narratives, the meanings that we grew up with are really woven together.

[00:06:41] And so we do go through this process of seeing having these insights and these moments that were not our trauma and begin to, as Simon said, disentangle it and differentiate what's me, what's the trauma.

[00:06:53] And that's part of our growth cycle as adoptees and really beginning to build our identity and come into an understand that our essence is not our trauma. And that it's separate like the rock, paper, scissors at Simon shared. Thank you Simon.

[00:07:09] Head to our next page. So the scene that that moment is a big step in our growth. All right. What supports our growth is what we're just talking about. Number one, I think first and foremost, our insights.

[00:07:24] When we have those insight moments, one of our very well known, uh, languaging around this for in the adoptee community is coming out of the fog. It's that moment, right? That we first either realized that adoption, you know, was something other for us than what we were told.

[00:07:45] For me it was a moment where all the grief came up and out. And, uh, yeah, I was massage therapist and realized immediately that it was trauma and started googling adoption trauma because I was really sobbing, heaving, grieving over the loss of my biological mother at 51 years old.

[00:08:05] All of a sudden she wrote me. That's what triggered it. But it was like, oh, there's all this in there. You know, that so it was a huge insight that set me on a very intentional journey of transformation growth healing of that specific root wound.

[00:08:25] So insights will give us kind of bring something that's unconscious into our consciousness so we can intentionally with awareness shift out of that old belief. So life, we can shift into life affirming beliefs. We can choose and create supportive connections.

[00:08:46] We have more awareness because of the insight right? So now it's in our awareness. Now we can choose differently and we can do differently and create differently and change our lives. Change how we interact in our relationships with ourselves, with others and with life itself.

[00:09:04] And also what supports our growth is learning to self care, self love, self nurture and really tune to ourselves.

[00:09:16] So what's neat about each of these is that, you know, we started out with this trauma and no agency or say and a huge choice, a huge life changing choice that was made for us at birth.

[00:09:33] But now we can take the insights and really begin to move into our agency and choose life affirming beliefs, supportive connections and relationships.

[00:09:43] We can choose to move more awareness and a tune to ourselves with self love and nurture, and that really will support our growth and propel us forward in ways that feel good for us. Anything else you'd like to add Simon? Yeah.

[00:09:59] So this these are the insights right so I was talking about a chain, you know a change of mind.

[00:10:06] We've got all sorts of different words that mean the same so aha moments epiphanies, epiphanets, epiphanets right little epiphany moments when we have when the penny drops for us when we see something new. So this is back to the the general theme of change.

[00:10:24] It's about a new thing right and a new thought that comes to us.

[00:10:31] When we become aware of something new and we're going to kind of run through some of the can I the insights that we have with what we're doing today is we're kind of creating a space for insights.

[00:10:46] When I'm running the podcast, I'm mining the guests for their insights. What is it that's helped them move along right and the hope is that their insights catalyze insights within you the listener.

[00:11:02] If I'm doing the podcast. What we're doing with this webinar today is we're sharing some insights in the hope that they catalyze some insights to and and we're giving we're giving this taster of this grant growth and transformation course that we're that we're running so yeah

[00:11:22] we're not going to have a site from within. We have to see them from for ourselves. There's no such thing as a second hand insight if we could give you these insights, right and email you them. We would, but we can't. You have to see them for yourself.

[00:11:39] Yeah, that's a really good point. I believe it's Maya Angelou who says that you know when I knew better I did better right like and the insight really does have to come within it has to be a truth that we own for us to actually create a change.

[00:11:56] Right so that's one once we know better than we do better. I'm going to Simon are faces over the insights on your screen. No, no, this is fine yeah. So, these are some insights right that I've just picked picked up along the way from other people.

[00:12:24] And the most significant for one for me here is that second one right. So my birth mother really loved me so back I'm 40 I find out that my the teddy bear that I've had from

[00:12:39] for as long as I can remember it's from my birth mother I've been told I was adopted but I went out to but I wasn't told where the teddy bear came from and and for me this that this anger came out.

[00:12:57] She didn't love me enough to keep me. She gave me the teddy bear as a consolation price right but not anger and swear words and then eight years later, I get my adoption file and in there is a letter about about the teddy bear from my birth mother.

[00:13:17] And it's a letter to the social worker and and as I read this letter, I feel her. I feel her pain right I feel the power imbalance.

[00:13:29] I feel and read her love for me and and this the tears are streaming down my face right and it becomes clear to me that my birth mother really love me right so.

[00:13:43] These are quite a matter of fact as we've set them out here but these are big big emotionally breakthrough you know, big breakthrough moments like a breakthrough moment when we when we see something so I've gone from feeling

[00:14:00] unloved by her to feeling loved by her and I've broken down to break three and and that is a huge insight that takes me and takes me along so perhaps I put a little sorry just pop. Hold on it just flipped on me. Okay, there we go.

[00:14:24] So down down at the bottom here on the on the insights page.

[00:14:29] We've got a question for you really to Malova and what have been what have been your most profound insights and what new ideas have come to you that have helped you move along this growth and transformation process. I love this the second to last one.

[00:14:56] I saw that on a web page of the day right and you narrative needs a new narrator. So we've got the adoption agencies saying one thing more than one thing with we've got them leading on some of the stuff that's going on.

[00:15:15] We've got adoptive parents saying another thing and we're the narrators.

[00:15:25] We need to be the narrators for our stuff right so but if we come if we come I know for myself if I if I was back in my kind of like angry phase then I'm not going to be a really good communicator.

[00:15:40] I'm not going to be a narrator that people listen to right so I have to just wind in a little bit right so that I can get my message across so I'm not cancelled.

[00:15:55] If we go anywhere and it is advocacy piece and the other people see see where we're coming from then they can kind of cancel as they can ignore us.

[00:16:07] But these these these are insights that have helped people move on right my my worth is inherent and so they're thriving adoptees logo right it's a diamond. Diamond so that that's a.

[00:16:24] A conscious reminder of your worth right so one of our biggest beliefs going to be in a minute that there's something wrong with us and and just.

[00:16:40] Just that hold us back to that help us grow we're going to talk about beliefs in a minute so I don't know if you got anything else on on that one Jude.

[00:16:49] Well you know there's one that I think more recently really speaks to me is the I didn't think I could be happy without getting all the answers about my past I didn't think it could be happy really be happy and enjoy my life fully but I can and.

[00:17:07] So that's been really a powerful shift for me yeah that one. Yeah. We've got so many questions. We've had so many of us had so many questions for so long. And we're kind of where we're hooked into that belief that we need the answers before we can.

[00:17:27] Before we can move on we're not we're not comfortable in the unknowing. And there's always going to be more to know right where we're going to be we're going to be what should I say. We need to be postponing our own happiness till we find some information.

[00:17:45] Yeah exactly. So yeah we're putting our happiness on hold. For some we're looking for change we're looking for change on the outside. Rather than change on inside. Yeah. Thank you. So.

[00:18:03] What gets in the way beliefs we often have limiting beliefs or beliefs that don't support our growth that you know are pretty much part of our unconscious and you know like one of them and we'll go over some on the next page but one is that.

[00:18:23] You know I'll always be healing. I'll always or I can't be healed you know it's just never never get to the other side of that our mindset narrative like what are the stories that we have about ourselves. Group think.

[00:18:41] And our unconscious or shadow beliefs and identifying with our wounds so again that that trauma bound identity. The unconscious and shadow those are the things that we often are unaware of it can be. I've done a lot of archetype work so the archetypes.

[00:19:03] Like our victim archetype or child archetype. Prostitute which doesn't what it sounds like it means the point that we will sell ourselves to have something else so like where we'll we'll give up on something. Like not being.

[00:19:22] Authentic and standing in authentic truth to people please that would be the prostitute shadow or archetype. Because we don't want to you know disgruntled friends family. We don't want people to be disappointed in us so we will not be true to ourselves in that moment.

[00:19:45] And then the saboteurs so those are the four archetypes everyone has and we can tend with them and they can sometimes sabotage us and sabotage our growth and so that's the unconscious shadow. Simon anything else here that you would like to add before we get into beliefs.

[00:20:05] So one thing that isn't on here that kind of sums it up again looking at ultra simplicity. We say that I got in my way. Right so what what got in the way somebody asked me a question what got in the way well I got in my way.

[00:20:29] How's that even possible what we're talking about here isn't us getting in our own way.

[00:20:35] And people use this a lot right people say yeah I get it my way right it's not it's a thought or it's a thought that's developed into a belief a belief is just basically a bigger thought something that we're taking something that's bigger that something that we're taking more seriously.

[00:20:56] So we can't get in our own way if we're getting in our own way it's one of these things right one of these six things.

[00:21:04] So that's we can't you can't get in your own way only I can't get in my own way I can't do it I can't do it physically right there's only one of me if I'm you know group think this is the one that really worries me.

[00:21:19] So because when I was suffering I was doing quite a good job with my own beliefs about suffering and being wounded and stuff right I was doing I was I was I was making a pretty fair fist of it.

[00:21:33] But if we're if we're hanging around with others right if we are if we are if the people that we're hanging around with don't believe that we can grow and transform then their group think he's going to hold us back.

[00:21:58] And I think well what what would have what would have happened to me. Right. I was already making a pretty good job of feeling wounded on my own you know my belief was my belief my belief was that I was stuck with the primal wind.

[00:22:17] That wasn't reinforced by anybody else.

[00:22:23] But what if I what if our beliefs are being reinforced reinforced by other people and it's going to make them harder to shift so that's the really concerning one for me the group think it's like who we're who we're spending that time with.

[00:22:42] So, and I think for us the, for me it is the identifying with our wound. Because it took me so long to realize that's what I was doing and to shift out of that and to discern.

[00:22:57] What was me and what was the wound because I carried it for so long that trauma bound identity.

[00:23:03] And, and then the, you know, a lot of it we're talking about a journey from what's unconscious in us and bring it into our consciousness and so that's why a group like this where there's a lot of support and we're able to share.

[00:23:19] And I'm talking about what we're going to present at the end is helpful because it is a journey from the, the unconscious into these moments of awareness and insight these all moments that I hope you guys were considering and maybe writing down a couple that you've had, because that's how you begin to shift your beliefs and your mindset and your narrative and out of the group think.

[00:23:43] So, yeah, Simon are we good to go to the good together. Awesome. So, we've put these things down here beliefs to bust. I've been saying this for a, for a while. We don't hear a lot about beliefs in the adoptee world.

[00:24:13] And yeah, our biggest challenge for so many of us is that the belief that there's something wrong with this. I saw something great from Gabo Marti a few weeks ago. He said, there's no such feeling. There's no such feeling as not feeling good enough. It's a belief. Right.

[00:24:40] So what is a belief somehow gets hidden as a, gets hidden as a feeling. I don't, I don't feel I'm enough. I don't feel I'm good enough. I don't feel I'm worthy enough. I don't, I don't. Yeah. Those aren't feelings. Those are beliefs.

[00:24:59] And for me, beliefs seem far more bustable than trauma seems healer. Right. So something's going on in my little mind. Right. I can, I can have an insight and I can bust a belief. Okay. I'm sure I've done that in the past. I can do more of that.

[00:25:18] Is trauma healer. Well, what does trauma mean? What does healing mean? And we're off to a whole level. If you like me, a king of overthinking, right? We're off to, we're off to the party and the questions are coming fast. Fast.

[00:25:35] And I'm thinking, okay, well, so who do I need to get me to heal? Oh, I need to find it. Or people are saying that I need to find it. A adoption competent therapist. How can I do that? Should I have a somatic therapist? Should I have EMDR?

[00:25:50] And the world's right. It's like it's all internal. It's all in the future. It's all in the future. And I'm stuck, right? I'm stuck in the mud wearing my wheels. Right. So that beliefs seem more bustable to me than trauma seems healer. And that gives me hope.

[00:26:09] That gives me hope. That gives me faith, faith in an ongoing growth and transformation. Right. Open faith. Not religious faith, but faith that things can get better. And then the bottom one here is I think the therapists have somehow cornered the market here. Right.

[00:26:35] And we've got this belief that healing is only psychological. Right. Well, it's not, you know, it's not. You know, it's, you know, come onto that in a moment. What's become clear to me, what became clear to me last year, I had an insight, right?

[00:26:55] I will be psychologically, I will be healing forever. Right. That's looking at healing on one level. But underneath my psychology, I am and I was already and always whole. Right. So that's, we're back to the, the metaphor of the rock, rock in the paper.

[00:27:23] So the matter, the dominant metaphor is this primal wound, right? What the primal wind saying is with rock paper, sitters is that we're the rock and the scissors can cut the rock and can wound who we are.

[00:27:44] But that's, that's not the truth in with rock paper scissors, the rock beats the scissors. We're not denying that adoptive trauma is real. It's real, but it's, it's not what, in my opinion, right?

[00:28:04] It's not about the scissors like Nancy very would say with the wound is the wound scissors can cut the rock. It's, it's the paper, the paper conceals who we truly are. So that's looking at healing at two levels.

[00:28:20] Psychological and spiritual essential at the essence of who we are. No need to heal them. We need to broaden that out in a little while. Yeah. So this list from Simon's work and my work were the beliefs that we see often within our community.

[00:28:41] And so I will never heal. I don't feel good enough or worthy enough. I've got every right to be angry. Being adopted is like being jailed for life. I am broken. Being adopted has damaged my essence and healing is only psychological.

[00:28:58] We're often only looking at that area of healing when we're talking about healing. We're going to go to the next slide to talk about alternative beliefs. So these are some alternatives that we can shift into for those beliefs that were listed on the other page.

[00:29:18] These are, I can heal. I can heal. I can grow. I can transform right? I am good enough and beliefs can change. My anger is justified and I prefer peace. I can be free. Underneath the trauma, I am whole.

[00:29:38] Being adopted has hidden my essence, but it didn't change it, right? It didn't damage it. Just hit it from me. Healing, growth and transformation are holistic instead of it being only psychological because we're a whole person. And we'll talk more about that.

[00:29:56] I can feel good in my body and happy with life. So for me, I think underneath the trauma I am whole has been one of the most powerful belief changes. And then the work for me has been to connect to felt sense of my wholeness, right?

[00:30:23] Because having the belief is one aspect of growth and transformation. It's kind of the growth step and the transformative step has been in me being taking the time to change my neural pathways into a felt sense of wholeness.

[00:30:44] And then that changes how I'm interacting, how I feel about myself and how I feel about life. So that's been my most, I think, powerful shift of belief. Simon, do you have anything to add here before we go to the next slide?

[00:31:00] Yeah, a shift of belief is an insight. A new neural pathway is an insight. We are high, you know, people talk about this word neuroplasticity, right? That's our brain's ability to change. And the brain changes through an insight.

[00:31:19] It happens once and then maybe the neural pathway is worn over time, right? So it solidifies. The new belief solidifies. It becomes stronger. It becomes the one, like to use a metaphor, it becomes the concrete that has set with the steel inside it. It becomes rock solid.

[00:31:42] It becomes rock solid. That's what the neural, so you've got an insight and then you've got a non-gloin process. So yeah. Yes, exactly. So we want to make the connection so that it becomes a well-worn pathway. Thank you. To our next slide. Transformation, Simon?

[00:32:06] Yeah, I'm looking at the time. I'm thinking, I'm trying to... Growth can lead to larger transformation. So we're talking about degrees of change here. A change in our energy, right? A change in our feeling and a change in our beliefs.

[00:32:22] A change of mind and a change of hearts. And we're talking about incremental kaizen stuff. Kaizen is the Japanese word for incremental changes, right? Incremental or huge changes. They come together. Yes. Incremental, the snowball, right? The snowball of a new idea getting bigger. Transformation, yeah. All right.

[00:32:55] So part of that holistic piece is understanding that everything is energy. This is an Einstein quote and that's all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. So this picture is our energetic body.

[00:33:13] And you'll notice that kind of donut looking shape is a torus. So we have an electromagnetic field. We are energetic beings and everything we think, you know, is energy, our feelings, our magnetic, our sensory beings, you know, we're reading energy through our sites,

[00:33:36] through our hearing, through our touch, through our taste. It's all energetic messaging. And so I'm going to bring that to our next slide. This is a frequency scale of emotions consciousness.

[00:33:53] And we do have the power to change how we feel by consciously building our capacity for higher states of being. That being said, having the beginnings that we have experienced. I put a little line here that we have a root wound, a root origin wound,

[00:34:15] a trauma at our very beginnings that creates this state of being fear. We live in this state of being often. And so we haven't built a lot of capacity for these higher states of being.

[00:34:31] We have moments where we feel into this, right, but holding and living from here out of consistently, right? That's what we're working on. And so we often are here in these lower feelings.

[00:34:50] And I'm going to go to for time sake, I'm going to go to the next page, but you can see here that love, gratitude, enlightenment, courage is a bridge.

[00:35:02] And so we're building, I would say more of a state of consciousness where we're choosing to be brave and vulnerable and do something while we feel the fear. And it begins to step us out of these lower frequency feelings.

[00:35:18] Courage is really important to in helping us to transform and build capacity. Simon, do you want to read these? Yeah, so energy, feelings, consciousness, it's all the three synonyms, right? So it is this scale of consciousness from 0 to 1000.

[00:35:42] So what we saw last slide was a kind of like a generic one and Jude made some comments, commentary in terms of adoptee specific. So what I did was I looked at the levels and looked at where I've been and where we sometimes are as adoptees.

[00:36:05] And I'm not going to read all those out to you, but you can see that this is a, we're going up in the world here. But I was a lot of me was around anger, general anger, anger to certain people and also anger to broader people as well.

[00:36:27] But we see some of the, we see some of the trends here in terms of suicidal ideation, suicide addiction and all those stats that everybody puts out there about how we as adoptees are more prone to this stuff. And yeah, you know, I can't heal number 50.

[00:36:52] I can't heal or change my existential wrongness. Well, I remember reading that 10 years ago, feeling that thinking that the 10 years ago reading the primal wound. I thought I'm stuck with it. I'm stuck with it. And we're not 200.

[00:37:12] The level goes from not to 200 and then 200 above 200 is the growth and transformation bit and life affirming. 200 first level of true power. You want to go and transform what got you here today, right?

[00:37:30] So you saw something that Jude posted or something that I posted and you thought I'll give it all you saw something on event right. And you thought yeah, I want to grow and transform so that perhaps subconsciously is all consciously that's what got you here today. Yeah.

[00:37:53] And we're, we're climbing with climbing this ladder we're creating a space for this ladder where we're showing you the whole scale. And we're showing we're not just staying in that in that bit lower states of consciousness low states of consciousness right.

[00:38:17] So I remember this something from this from my being coached talking about bed be BELAME excuses and denial right. And then you've got we're talking about rowing earlier on you've got or ownership accountability and responsibility.

[00:38:37] So we're, we're not stuck with moving from a hard done to to a move forward. And what happened to me happened for me right. We're moving forward going towards we're going. Yeah.

[00:38:58] Yeah. And, and so some of the work that we would be doing in the growth and transformation would be helping you guys to make connections to these higher states of being and working on building differentiating them and building capacity and connections so that you can hold higher states of being in your body.

[00:39:23] We, it's very well documented that when we're in lower states of being we have more sickness and disease, disease and disease in our bodies. So it's all connected. That's why the holistic approach is really important to Simon. Anything else on this page. No, we're good. I think.

[00:39:49] Right. Awesome. So that brings us to growth and transformation or holistic. So, often, you know, we have therapy is very big in our culture in our society at large and I have done a lot of therapy, and it has been helpful.

[00:40:10] But it doesn't address everything. It doesn't address every part of me is really focused here on the mind. And yet there's a physical aspect of myself. There's the spirit and essence of myself. There's social my relationships with family friends.

[00:40:27] And then the heart, the emotions. And so what's beautiful is that for there are guidepost moments in our growth and transformation that we can kind of map coming out the fog is an example of that.

[00:40:44] And yet for each one of us, our journey is really individual and different and unique. And I believe that life will bring up our next area of healing because it becomes that moment that insight and we're like, oh, that.

[00:41:01] And then we shift our beliefs and we follow that insight that life brought to us. And so it might be of all these access points into our healing. It might come through the emotions or heart.

[00:41:13] It might come through the mind or the body might be sending us messages that are saying, hey, I need to pay some attention here.

[00:41:21] Right. It might come through the spirit. It might be here through social because we're seeing some patterns or, you know, some relationship changes that are needed boundaries needing to be set so there are all these areas all these different access points that and we all go our own pace on this journey because our growth and transformation is individual.

[00:41:48] And yet, like I said, there's a guidepost moments kind of a general map that brings us home to ourselves and to our wholeness and really helps to empower us to step into our agency and sovereignty of choice making for our life so that we begin to feel better and better about our life and build that capacity to hold higher states of being.

[00:42:12] And it's it's gets exciting when you realize that you like, even if just that incremental little baby step up that scale, but you're like, oh my gosh, I'm not so fearful as I used to be.

[00:42:25] You know, and then pausing to celebrate that because you have done the work growth and transformation for yourself, and you're building a report of trust with yourself so that you can be more confident to move in your agency and sovereignty in your life and in your own healing journey.

[00:42:45] Simon, would you like to add anything here? Yeah. So I guess traditionally we've looked at mind and heart. You know, in psychology, and we're saying that it's bigger than that was giving a broader view of growth and transformation that's more inclusive and more accurate.

[00:43:09] So for example, I'm doing somatic experiencing right as a client. Yeah, I'm not a therapist.

[00:43:19] I'm doing somatic experiencing so I'm and I'm doing that because I believe there may be some pre verbal trauma that's stuck in my body and that I want to release so Murray is Greek for body I think.

[00:43:33] And so that's, you know, I'm working with a somatic experience. I see her every month or so and we do body work. We do body work and that's basically focusing on what's going on in our bodies and releasing the stuff because as vessel done to cox says the body keeps the score right but there's only like I can only find one somatic

[00:43:58] experience within two hour drive at me right but there's there's a gazillion therapists right but there's the somatic stuff is I believe really big for us because we're talking about. Yeah, we're talking about pre verbal trauma with stuff that's in our cellular memory.

[00:44:19] Yeah, you can't. You can't. If we haven't got words for it. And if we got had if we haven't got words for it then how can we express it within within within talk therapy talk therapy doesn't work for pre verbal trauma because we have no words for it.

[00:44:38] We just have that feeling within our bodies you know we get that that sickening feeling in the pit of our stomachs you know that sort of stuff.

[00:44:45] Yeah, yeah, most definitely I like I said I have experienced therapy and it's been helpful but when I began doing I did EFT which is emotional freedom technique it's tapping on the acupressure points with a trauma informed practitioner who calls herself an inner child advocate and that helped my growth and transformation like exponentially because we did go into pre verbal trauma.

[00:45:15] And so it's most definitely important to look at each aspect of ourselves holistically. To move forward. So thank you. I'm going to go ahead to our next one. So 95% more likely to develop positive habits with support and accountability so.

[00:45:43] Judy were talking about the stuff on the inside how that reflects on the outside right so we're talking about my mind body and we're talking about our relationships. So habits support and accountability. Creating a container for that change.

[00:46:02] Yes, so part of what son and I have created is it's a six month container group and it will be obviously supportive but also with that support account.

[00:46:19] It comes with a little accountability and we are 95% more likely to create change in our lives when we're just doing it alone.

[00:46:29] It takes a lot longer. There's an amplification process that happens when we have others that that even it's 65% like if you had a neighbor that you said hey I'm going to do this. Walking in the mornings. If you said that just to yourself.

[00:46:43] The chances of you falling through a lot less if you just even told a neighbor you're 65% more likely to actually get up and start walking in the mornings. So but if you have a group where you know you're setting these intentions for yourself.

[00:46:58] And you're working together and you're encouraging each other. You're 95% more likely to have the change that you're hoping for. And so that's part of what we've created intentionally. And so like I said it's six months or 24 weeks and it's a lot of work.

[00:47:16] And so that's part of what we've created intentionally.

[00:47:22] And so like I said it's six months or 24 weeks and we've set it up there's the first two weeks are focused on holistic you know what it means healing how we can support that and the next four weeks we go over mind.

[00:47:46] And we work on some of the things that we talked here we talk a lot about that but we actually will be teaching each week and then there's a support private Facebook group that for support.

[00:48:00] And I'll probably be posting little videos and we'll do embodiment practices right because the body which would be the next four weeks is hugely important also in our journey.

[00:48:12] And then four weeks on the heart. So and you can see what falls into these so each week there's something special that we be focusing on and working through together. And then social relationships for four weeks.

[00:48:28] We'll talk about sacred boundaries and boundary not out of reaction but from a heart centered space. Communication all these things listed here, and then the next four weeks would be spiritual and that's that inner journey knowing ourselves sovereignty.

[00:48:47] Our essence and building that relationship within and then the integration would be the last two weeks. So in our growth and transformation journey as talking about the map part of the map includes whenever you have had an awful moment and you've shifted your beliefs and I kind of want you to like think of an awful moment you've had and follow that with me.

[00:49:12] With what organically happened within you because we begin to shift our beliefs once we have an aha. So we bust the old belief and we created a new belief and it takes some time to practice it and build it.

[00:49:28] And it changes on the inside of us first and then the outside and then it becomes very solid in us. It becomes a new belief that we're anchored in.

[00:49:38] I like to say that it's like in our bones and that's the integration process we shed the old and we integrate the new until we embody it and it becomes a part of us.

[00:49:51] So this is what we will be going over slowly because world takes time and so just taking time for, you know, six months to go over all of this with the people who sign up Simon do you have anything to add here.

[00:50:10] Yeah, so the embodiment piece Jews talking about. We can I talk about going out like having a new idea so we can get something in our head.

[00:50:22] We can get something in our heart or we can get something in our bones right so this is about a depth of the insight right not all insights are the same some are more profound than others you know that difference that I was talking about between.

[00:50:40] Between an epiphany which is a biggie and epiphany which is a small one right so but your head heart bones. Yeah, I really like that head heart bones yeah right gone.

[00:50:55] Right, what to expect so there would be weekly learning and we would record it so for those that could make a live that's great and it would be recorded so people can watch it.

[00:51:07] So people can watch it whatever time is most convenient for them because we all are in different places in the world and they'll be practice.

[00:51:16] They'll be guided support and mentorship with Simon and I, and a group of support with those who come in and join and light accountability, supportive accountability but just by being the support there's accountability by saying it out loud.

[00:51:31] And working together right like we're it's kind of collaborative and they'll be a dedicated Facebook group for support so there's questions that come up right and in that group will be posting during the week and just doing supportive type things there.

[00:51:54] Simon you want to finish this up and then we can answer questions. So we're starting two weeks today. Running every Wednesday for 24 weeks an hour each week and we put a price down of 75 pounds per month for six months. And we're doing 12 places on this first cohort.

[00:52:21] And this is the first time that we've run it. I've been running webinars for a couple of years now. Jude's been doing trains for four or five years. So but this is probably 10 years. Yeah, probably 10 years. I ended did you I ended did you.

[00:52:41] Yeah, well, yeah, five with adoptees. So you're five with the doctors yet. And so we're putting this so we're putting it as a special price for this first cohort and we're limiting the first court to only only to only 12.

[00:52:56] And you can go on if you want to register you go on to the website which is thriving adoptees.com. And on the homepage if you just scroll down says picture of me and my teddy bear.

[00:53:09] And then you'll see a little grid, you'll see a little logo that says growth and transformation.

[00:53:15] And then underneath that click on a button and it will take 75 pounds and each month it'll take 70 pounds 75 pounds off you unless you like you don't like it and you cancel it right you cancel it. You are only committing to six times 75 pounds. It's a six month container.

[00:53:38] If you like it and you going along with it, that's what's going to take out but if you don't like it for the first month just cancel it and you won't be charged. Yeah.

[00:53:53] Okay, I'm going to stop our share screen will come back and look at the questions I saw a whole bunch popping in there all of a sudden was like, oh, right.

[00:54:06] Okay, I'm currently doing somatic therapy and I would say it's the best thing I've been doing for yourself that's awesome.

[00:54:17] Yeah, I'm going to go back to Amy. Yeah, somatic experiencing is profound it can be really profound because you'll see, like some of the beliefs the narratives where it's in your body and then just the releasing component.

[00:54:36] I'm going to talk about my experience and the human rights violations in adoption. People start to get nasty and abusive and disenfranchise me. So I'm doing either way. Kathy, I'm like where's Kathy okay. I don't.

[00:54:59] I don't feel like I'm how like, I think they're going to be situations and this will for me this would fall under stepping into our own agency.

[00:55:10] There may be situations where we know that people are going to not respond well and so we have choices to make around what our nervous systems can handle in that moment.

[00:55:22] And there may be some moments where we're feeling really solid and strong and grounded, and we can handle those responses.

[00:55:30] Sometimes when we can't and so it becomes a self, you know, what are a self care falling under self care. It is today. Good day for me to speak up right because I think we do need to really step into the power of voices or is today not a good day for me to do that.

[00:55:50] Let's see how much money would it be signing my over I think it's 75 pounds which is approximately 100 in the US. 97 when I converted it yesterday, but 97. Awesome. Okay 97 your. You're welcome.

[00:56:09] Let's see it doesn't matter how much work you work on yourself it won't solve the problem of lack of community. Okay, well, I have felt that I would not have community in life and then have developed community in life.

[00:56:26] And I think what can be hard is right now at least for me a lot of my communities online. Right so because I just moved I'm wanting to create in person community. There's some belief in there that could be busted.

[00:56:41] And then there you know there's definitely support that could be had in a group like what Simon are talking about. That is all adoptees coming together in community with a really clear intention.

[00:56:58] And happy meditation makes me more traumatized it can actually if we are in certain states meditation should be paused and that's something I'm a meditation teacher that's something we could talk about more.

[00:57:13] You're free to reach out to me because that's a little longer to describe and I'm wanting to honor time because we're already at one four minutes after, but that it meditation can sometimes activate our nervous system. Let's see. Okay, sorry went. Thank you both. Thank you. Thank you.

[00:57:35] And you put the link in the chat. Yes, I can do that. Oh, thank you Simon. This will be ongoing once this group is formed two times a year. We likely will continue to do this.

[00:57:52] Not just one time around we've talked about that our plan would be to do it more than once. So and there could eventually be a second part that would go deeper right so I think that's all of the questions any other questions.

[00:58:17] Thank you all so much. I hope you found it interesting. I'll be emailing you the link out to the replay tomorrow. Tomorrow. And that'll be up on YouTube. And yeah, and I'm probably going to make it into a podcast as well so people can listen to it.

[00:58:38] And say it's We're starting at two weeks today we'll just run in it for 12 people the first time around that rate of 75 pounds at $97 a month.

[00:58:50] And I don't know if it's was clear but there will be embodiment practices as well so that will be the part of the body piece but it will be with throughout so that we can begin to connect with our bodies and integrate. And so yeah.

[00:59:07] Yeah, and then Jay saying will you come on to we are family to talk to a doctors who can share this with their young people. Yes. It might be in a slightly different format might be in this format.

[00:59:22] Yes, some adoptees don't want to get involved with supporting adopted parents. Jude and I most categorically do want to get involved with adopted parents. We're into education. We're into education.

[00:59:41] I'm still learning, learning and sharing we're all learning we're all working walking each other home as you say to you right. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:59:56] This is saying what will you do. What would you do it's the money you earned from this. Well, yeah so this is this is paying for us to do this stuff.

[01:00:11] We don't have jobs we don't have jobs this is this is what we do what we do to the bills. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have your link for your podcast on you. Yeah, if you just Google thriving adoptees on YouTube you'll find it.

[01:00:31] Financial can't swing it right now that's totally okay. Sage, you know like we're here to we're here to share whatever we're not doing this for the money but we do need to pay bills so yeah. Lots of love. Yeah. Thank you guys. Yeah, thanks a lot.

[01:00:53] Thank you very much. Have a great rest of your day wherever you are in the world. Thank you. Thanks a lot. See you soon.